All posts by Stephen Dale

Stephen is Director and founder of Collabor8now Ltd, (http://collabor8now.com) an organization focussed on developing collaborative environments (e.g. Communities of Practice) and the integration of knowledge management tools and processes to support business improvement. He is a certified knowledge manager with the Knowledge Management Institute (KMI) and the author of several published research papers on collaborative behaviours, knowledge management and information technology.

Venice to Barcelona September 2017

Cruising on the Oceania cruise ship Sirena, 11th September to 22nd September 2017.

 

We took a flight from London Heathrow to Venice where we boarded our Oceania cruise ship, the Sirena. Our first time on this ship, though we have previously cruised on her sister ship, the Regatta. The ships are identical in layout, so there was no excuse for getting lost on board! This was the first time we had had a room with a balcony. It was worth paying that bit extra so that we had the full benefit of seeing the iconic harbours and coastlines we would be visiting.

Days 1 and 2. Our first visit to Venice. A wonderful experience – so much to do! I guess we trod the well-worn tourist route; St Marks Square, St Mark’s Basilica, The Doge’s Palace, The Gallerie Dell’ Academia (art gallery) and the obligatory gondola ride along the maze of canals. The stand-out experience for me was the Doge’s Palace, rooms and ceilings heavily encrusted with gold, and over the Doge’s throne, Tintoretto’s masterpiece, Paradise, the largest oil painting in the world, 22 metres by seven metres. Christ and Mary are surrounded by a heavenly host of 500 saints.

Day 3. Zadar, Croatia was our next port of call. This was our first time in Croatia, and we both thought that Zadar was a beautiful and tranquil town, with a mix of ancient buildings and cobblestone streets leading to a fairly contemporary shopping area. We were told by a friend who had visited previously to look out for the Sea Organ and the Greeting to the Sun,  two artistic creations by the architect Nikola Bašić. The former harnesses the power of the wind and the sea to make some beautiful and haunting music, while the latter collects the sun’s energy during the day to create a spectacular light show at night. We couldn’t really miss either given they were no more than about 20 metres from where our ship was berthed. We spent the rest of the day looking around the old town, taking in the sights and smells of the Old Town Market, visiting the 9th century Church of St Donatus and finishing off by having a few relaxing beers/wines.  I’d quite like to visit Zadar again one day, because I don’t think we had sufficient time to take in all of the sights.

Day 4. Kotor, Montenegro was our next port of call. We marvelled at the beauty of the Bay of Kotor as we approached the town, listed as a UNESCO World Natural and Historical Heritage Site. Kotor town is navigated through old, narrow streets, filled with bars, restaurants, small shops, antique monuments, churches and picturesque buildings. Having done a bit of prior research, we decided we’d start the day with a hike up the city walls to St John’s fortress. It was well worth the effort (which was considerable) with wonderful views of the old town and the bay opening up before us. Apart from which, it helped shed a few calories from our previous days’ indulgences! However, the effort only served to stoke our appetite for lunch, which was an enormous sea-food platter, consumed el fresco at one of the many romantic restaurants in the old town.

Day 5. Corfu, Greece. We did the obligatory (but lazy) tourist sightseeing from a pretend train that looped around the town and a short way up the coast. The rest of the day was taken up with eating and shopping, with an inordinate amount of time spent looking for cherry-flavour cigars for my father. He’s purchased these on the many times he has visited Corfu, but we couldn’t find any, and finally settled on some vanilla flavoured cigars. Overall, I’m not sure we really took to Corfu. The city’s old town is quaint, and (apparently) on the UNESCO World Heritage List, but it seemed very anglicised, and I’m sure there were more Brits there than locals. Even the majority of the restaurant and bar owners seemed to be English, judging by the broad Lancashire accents we heard. Close your eyes and you might think you were in Blackpool – but hotter!  I don’t think we’ll hurry to go back.

Day 6. Taormina, Sicily. The ship was at anchor, so a tender service was in operation to get us ashore. Then a taxi to get to the top of the cliff where the town was situated. Just about everything and anything of interest was on the Coros Umberto 1, a lovely pedestrian street lined with multicoloured 15th and 16th century mansions and shops. We headed initially for the Teatro Greco, an ancient Greek theatre built in the 3rd century BC. However, we found that all access roads to the Teatro Greco were blocked by swathes of police, with a pretty heavy security operation in evidence throughout the town. We learnt this was because the Dalai Lama was visiting the Teatro Greco, and in fact a little later we caught a glimpse of him leaving the Teatro in a back limousine. I’m not sure whether he noticed us though, given he didn’t wave!

Day 7. Sorrento, Italy. It was obvious as we approached the harbour from the Bay of Naples, if you want to visit Sorrento, you’d have to travel vertically! It’s perched at the top of a cliff. There is a mini-bus or a lift that takes visitors to the top. You could walk up as well, but not sure what state you’d be in when you got to the top! Anyway, we didn’t have to make the ascent because we had booked an excursion to visit Pompei, which is about 17 miles from Sorento. As we all know, Pompei was all but destroyed when Mount Vesuvius erupted in 79AD, covering the city of 20,000 inhabitants in more than 20ft of ash. Words cannot really describe the experience – so check out the photos!

Day 8. Civitavecchia for Rome. Ah, yes, Rome, “the Eternal City”, capital of Italy and the Catholic Church. Except we never actually got there. We decided against booking an organised tour from the excursions desk on board, since it entailed a 5-hour bus journey there and back from Civitavecchia, with barely 2 hours in Rome. There is the option of taking a train under our own steam (excuse pun), which might have reduced the travel time, but it all seemed a lot of effort for just a few hours in Rome, so we decided to have a relaxing day in  Civitavecchia (but not much to see), and the promise to ourselves that we would arrange to visit Rome on a short-break deal, sometime in 2018.

Day 9. Monte Carlo, Monaco. Literally “Mount Charles”, a 0.76 square mile pixel on the global map, but with a reputation that far exceeds its physical size, and home for the rich and famous. One good thing about its small size is that it’s a fairly easy walk to get to most places. Our first stop was the Prince’s Palace, which overlooks the magnificent harbour with it’s many super-yachts (one of which was Lionheart, owned by Sir Philip and Lady Green of BHS notoriety – boooo!) . We watched the changing of the guard, splendidly dressed in the white uniforms, which takes place daily at precisely 11.55am.  We then visited the Cathedral of Monaco (St Nicholas Cathedral), which houses the royal family (Grimaldi’s) tombs, including Princess Grace’s tomb, which was easy to spot given the amount of flowers that had been laid on it. Clearly a pilgrimage for many people who remember her as the film star Grace Kelly. We couldn’t leave Monaco without visiting the Monte Carlo Casino, which is the main source of funding for the principality. We didn’t enter the inner salons where the high-rollers congregate (and which require a fee just for visiting), but satisfied ourselves with the ornate and imposing entrance hall. Overall, a pretty city, and opportunity (?) to mingle with the rich and over-indulged!

Day 10. Cannes, France. Not a lot to say about Cannes. We enjoyed a pleasant lunch, and stroll down the Promenade de la Croisette. It was also an opportunity to buy souvenirs for friends and family back home, who might want to flash their Cannes – branded T-shirts and other paraphernalia.

Day 11. Palamos, Spain. Not too say about Palomos either. A clean and pleasant town with a nice beach and promenade. We visited the local fish, fruit and vegetable markets and then had a relaxing lunch and much sangria at one of the beach-front restaurants. There really wasn’t sufficient time to do any detailed exploring.

Day 12-13. Barcelona, Spain. This was our last stop before flying home to Blighty. We had arranged a 2-day stay at the Acta BCN 40,  which suited our main criteria for being clean, inexpensive and fairly central. It was less than a 10-minute walk to Las Ramblas, and close to many lively bars and restaurants. We’ve been to Barcelona a few times and done most of the usual ‘touristy’ things, but we’d never been inside Antoni Gaudí’s iconic Sagrada Familia, so that was our priority for our first day. Unfortunately, tickets were fully booked for the whole weekend, so massive disappointment. This means, of course, we are going to have to visit Barcelona again, but  next time I’ll make sure we’ve booked tickets well in advance. The remainder of our time was spent shopping (shoes for me), eating (can’t leave Barcelona without having at least one paella) and drinking (sangria by the litre). We could have made this more of a cultural expedition, but Lynda and I were both pretty exhausted from the hectic cruise schedule, plus we found we had to keep dodging the many Catalonia independence rallies that were taking place in various parts of the city. However, we did pause our shopping expedition to enjoy the rag-time jazz on offer from the New Orleans Ragamuffins, who were busking in the Passeig de Gracia shopping area. I was impressed enough to buy their CD, in anticipation that one day they might be famous!

Overall, a wonderful holiday, with many beautiful towns, cities and sights explored on the way. My favourite places, and ones that I must visit again one day were, Venice, Kotor and Taormina. The photos will be a lasting memory.

From To Nautical Miles
Venice, Italy Zadar, Croatia 150
Zadar, Croatia Kotor, Montenegro 255
Kotor, Montenagro Corfu, Greece 192
Corfu Greece Taormina (Sicily), Italy 272
Taormina (Sicily), Italy Sorrento, Italy 205
Sorrento, Italy Civitavecchia (Rome), Italy 160
Civitavecchia (Rome), Italy Monte Carlo, Monaco 220
Monte Carlo, Monaco Cannes, France 71
Cannes, France Palamos, Spain 214
Palamos, Spain Barcelona, Spain 66
TOTAL DISTANCE FOR CRUISE – NAUTICAL MILES 1805

 

The Map

Photos:

[FAG id=175206525]

More photos on Flickr

Actual quotes taken from employee performance appraisals

Performance Appraisal CartoonAs a manager, I’ve had to do my fair share of performance appraisals, which (as I’m sure the employees also found) was a pretty tedious and meaningless experience. Fortunately I left all of that behind me when I left Reuters in 1999, my last full-time employer before striking out as an independent consultant (now semi-retired). On reflection, I was fortunate to have some excellent people in the teams I managed, but I still remember the occasional miss-fit. I can’t take any credit for these appraisal comments, but I wish I’d had them to hand for one or two of the interviews I managed. Enjoy!

  • “Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.”
  • “I would not allow this employee to breed.”
  • “This employee is really not much of a has-been, but more of a definite won’t be.”
  • “Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”
  • “When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change feet.”
  • “He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.”
  • “This young lady has delusions of adequacy.”
  • “He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.”
  • “This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”
  • “This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.”
  • “Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.”
  • “A gross ignoramus —144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.”
  • “He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier.”
  • “I would like to go hunting with him sometime.”
  • “He’s been working with glue too much.”
  • “He would argue with a signpost.”
  • “He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.”
  • “When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.”
  • “If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.”
  • “A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.”
  • “A prime candidate for natural de-selection.”
  • “Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.”
  • “Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.”
  • “He’s got two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it”
  • “If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.”
  • “If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.”
  • “If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.”
  • “It’s hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.”
  • “One neuron short of a synapse.”
  • “Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.”
  • “Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.”
  • “The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.”

The Rise of Zombie Smartphone Users

Apparently there is a world-wide epidemic of ‘Zombie Smartphone Users’, which I can quite believe based on my infrequent sojourns into London. A smartphone zombie is a pedestrian who walks slowly and without attention to their surroundings because they are focussed on their smartphone.

I used to keep dodging out of the way of people with their heads in their ‘phones as they walked towards me, but I found that maximising my concentration levels in order to avoid collisions was quite tiring. Instead, if I now see a Smartphone Zombie coming my way, I will stand still and wait for the inevitable collision to occur. It takes less ‘dodging’ effort on my part, and can be quite amusing to see the look of alarm on the zombie’s face when they’ve made physical contact.

The issue of people using their smartphones has become such problem that a variety of initiatives have been implemented around the world in an attempt to curb injuries and accidents related to their use. The problem has reached such serious levels in places like Japan that they have even invented their own term for it, that of ‘Aruki Sumaho’, or ‘smartphone walking’. Cities such as Chongqing and Antwerp have introduced special lanes for smartphone users to help direct and manage them.

I’m a great believer in the Darwin principle of survival of the fittest. If people choose to ignore potentially fatal hazards whilst texting, then they get what they deserve, and maybe over several hundred years they will all be gone. That will leave a safer environment for the rest of us, pavement or road users! Get rid of the signs!

Texting while walkingTexting while walking

Palms Of Paradise – Central America & Panama Canal

I’ve been a bit tardy in posting any details about our last cruise, which was over 8 months ago. One of those tasks I’ve been meaning to do but never quite getting high enough up the priority list to actually invoke some action! Anyway, at long last.

This was our first cruise with Oceania, on the Regatta, 24th April 2016 to 12th May 2106.

Highlights

Food

Oceania promotes itself as providing the finest cuisine at sea, and I can’t fault that statement. The food throughout our cruise was varied, plentiful and excellent. Lynda (wife) took an immediate liking to lobster, which became a staple part of her diet during out time on board, while I was quite happy to overdose on sushi.

Miami

Our port of embarkation. You can take it or leave it, I prefer to leave it (see Lowlights). Big, brash, unfriendly.

Key West

The southernmost point in the USA. First settled in the 1880’s, at the very end of the island chain stretching from Miami. Separated from Florida mainland by 42 bridges and closer to Havana, Cuba than it is to Miami. Still has a homely, small town feel. Safe to walk. Quaint brightly coloured houses and shops. Home to artists, writers and treasure hunters.  Made famous by Ernest Hemingway (For Whom The Bell Tolls, etc.) and no visit would be complete without a drink or three at his favourite watering hole, Sloppy Joe’s. I recommend the ‘Sloppy Rita’.

Cartagena, Colombia

A ‘must visit’ for anyone in the vicinity of the southern Caribbean. Cartagena’s colonial walled city and fortress has been a UNESCO World Heritage Site since 1984. You could easily spend a whole day exploring the old walled city with its colonial architecture, historiucal homes, churches, palaces and courtyards. The Old Town has several museums, restaurants, shops and cafes. The Church of Saint Peter Claver,  the Cathedral of Cartagena and for those with a morbid disposition, the Palace of the Inquisition where many torture devices are on display are all worth a visit. A taxi ride away is The Castle of San Felipe de Barajas  which is simply amazing. By all accounts the greatest fortress ever built by the Spaniards in their colonies. We spent a couple of hours there snd still didn’t see everything. Cartagena is also renowned for its jade, and you’ll get a good price for quality jade at any of the shops or jade factories.

Panama Canal

This was the main purpose of this particular cruise, I’ve always wanted to see the Panama Canal, and I wasn’t disappointed. It took us about 9.5 hours to complete the traverse, from the Gatun Locks on the Caribbean Sea side to departing the Locks on the Pacific Ocean side. We could see the new, wider locks that have been under construction for several years, which were due to open on the 26th June 2016. I assume they are now working. Photos of the journey through the canal are included at the end of this post. This diagram gives an overview of the lock system (source: Wikipedia).

Panama Locks

 

 

Cruise ships pay a rate based on the number of berths, which is around $138 per occupied berth, i.e. number of passengers that can be accommodated in permanent beds. For our ship that would be about 834 berths or a total of almost $114,000. I heard (anecdotal evidence) that the most expensive traverse was one of the giant cruise liners (e.g. Oasis of the Seas) with over 6000 berths , which would have cost around $850,000.  Given the number of ships going each way on a daily basis, this is clearly a signifiant contribution to Panama’s GDP. Hence why Nicaragua wants to grab some of this commerce when in June 2013 they awarded the Hong Kong-based HKND Group a 50-year concession to develop a canal through the country. It will be interesting to see what effect this has on the Panama Canal pricing model when the route through Nicaragua opens, since there will no doubt be competition for business.

Puntarenas, Costa Rica

Puntarenas is the the capital and largest city in the Province of Puntarenas, on the Pacific coast of Costa Rica. Costa Rica has remained among the most stable, prosperous, and progressive nations in Latin America. Following a brief civil war, it permanently  abolished its army in 1949, becoming one of only a few sovereign nations without a standing army. Around 25% of the land area is in protected national parks and protected areas, the largest percentage of protected areas in the world. It is renowned for its variety of wildlife.

Quetzal
Quetzal
Our visit took in the San Luis Park, a scenic drive inland of just under 2 hours, with the land getting ever more verdant as we approached the mountains. When we arrived at the park we walked a short trail until we arrived at the hummingbird garden. This was an amazing photo opportunity, since literally dozens of different species were coming to feed from the plastic bottles hung from the trees. Further along the rail we were told to look out for the strikingly coloured quetzel. Easily spotted, you might think,  given its striking colours, but we never saw one. I don’t doubt they are there somewhere though!
Our day was mostly taken up with our nature trail walk, so no time for shopping, which was fine with me!

San Juan Del Sur, Nicaragua

Once a fishing village, the town is now a small tourist centre, with the emphasis on ‘small’. There was a tender operation to get us from ship to shore since there was no docking facility, even for a small ships like ours.  We were welcomed by local singers and dancers on the quayside, all in their colourful local costumes. There are not many restaurants, outdoor cafes or stores, which give it a quaint feel. The food is excellent, especially the fresh seafood. We had a relaxing afternoon with a wonderful view of the lagoon, and being serenaded by the wandering minstrels (that’s probably not the real name – two or three locals with Spanish guitars). Overall, a very charming port of call, full of local colour and good food.

Porto Quetzal, Guatemala

There’s not much of interest in the immediate vicinity of the Port, other then a few vendor stalls. We decided on a guided tour out to La Antigua, Gautemala’s colonial capital , about 90mins by bus from Porto Quetzal. La Antigua is a UNESCO World Heritage site, famous for its Spanish-influenced Baroque architecture and its many ruins of colonial churches.  The busy central marketplaceis known to locals as the Mercado, and was a great place to sit and observe the local colour and purchase handicrafts. The vendors weren’t too pushy and took no for an answer if you weren’t interested. A pleasant day out.

Zihuatanejo, Mexico

Our original itinerary was to call at Acapulco, but we received news after we left Porto Quetzal that there had been some trouble there; shootings and at least one death, so our captain decided to call at Zihuatanejo instead. This was the first time a cruise liner had called at the port in over 2 years, so we were quite popular with the locals. There were no docking facilities so a tender service were used to transfer passengers to/from the shore. Zihuatanejo spent most of its history as a sleepy fishing village. The area is now the third most visited area in Mexico, after Cancun and Peurto Vallarta. We spent a pleasant afternoon at one of the beach restaurants, eating locally caught fresh seafood, served to us as we reclined one of the sun-loungers on the beach.  Luxury! The locals were all very friendly; we didn’t get bothered by any beach vendors. Altogether a perfect afternoon.

Cabos San Lucas

El Arco de Cabo San Lucas
El Arco de Cabo San Lucas where the Pacific Ocean becomes the Gulf of California.

In the 1930’s, the population of Cabo San Lucas was around 400 people. It soon gained a reputation as a sports fishing haven, accessible only by plane, boat or anyone willing to travel 1000 miles of rutted dirts road to get there. After World War II, word started spreading around Southern California’s elite and Los Cabos became a playground for the rich and famous. By 1950, Bill Cosby, Phil Harris, Desi Arnez and The Duke had built the exclusive hotel Las Cruces on the East Cape. More development followed. In 1974 the peninsular highway was built and Los Cabos became accessible to Middle America.  Now with a population of over 70,000, Los Cabos has been rated as one of Mexico’s top 5 tourist destinations, famous for its beaches, scuba diving, the sea arch ‘El Arco de Cabo San Lucas’, and marine life. This was another tender operation for us, but worth the effort to get ashore. Lots of very good restaurants, shopping, a marina, some beuatiful properties and miles of pristine beaches. What is there not to love!

San Francisco

We reach our final destination for this particular voyage. It’s been a great experience – many wonderful places we’ve never visited before, and I can tick the Panama Canal off on my bucket list! Excellent food and excellent crew on the Regatta. Hope to see them again sometime. We’ve been to San Francisco several time before, but it’s always a great experience, and inevitably rounded off by a visit to Pier 39 and the Crab House!

Panoramic view from the top of Coit Tower, showing (l. to r.) Bay Bridge, Ferry Bldg, Financial District, Russian Hill, Golden Gate Bridge, SF Bay, Alcatraz.

Lowlights

Day one of our holiday when we arrived in Miami was an unwelcome reminder of the pernicious tipping culture prevalent across the USA. Tips are required – or at least expected – for just about any service, even if the service is a basic and fundamental part of the actual job rather than as a value-added extra.  We were also often reminded (maybe because of our British accent) that the normal tipping rate was 18-20%. At dinner on the first evening, our waiter – a young lad of maybe 21, performed the basic tasks of giving us a menu, taking our order, and delivering what we had ordered.

There was no help, explanation or recommendations about the food, just a perfunctory process of writing down the order. At the end of the meal the bill for $55.20 was delivered with a handwritten scrawl suggesting 18% or 20% gratuity. The waiter had conveniently worked this out as $9.94 or $11.04 respectively. I didn’t want to start the holiday on a sour note, so I dutifully gave the waiter $65.55, which was $55.20 + $10 + $0.35 I had in loose change. I was somewhat taken aback to be told by the waiter “we don’t take coins”, which I inferred to mean I should round up my amount to $66.00 in notes.

Instead I took back all of the coins and left him with $65.00. His loss, albeit a small one. I’m not sure what would have happened if I had tendered the exact amount without the “optional” gratuity. Would they have rounded the bill down to $55.00 or (more likely) round it up to $56.00! Anyway, we learnt a lesson – coins are no longer legal tender in some restaurants. This set the scene for the rest of our holiday, where tipping was treated more as an obligation than an option, and had absolutely nothing at all to do with the quality of the service. Hoping that one day the American hospitality sector will cease relying on its customers to subsidise the low pay rates they give their workers and legislate for a decent living wage.

Cruise Itinerary

Our itinerary as follows, see also the map below (use your mouse roll-over to expand).

  • 23rd April – fly to Miami. Overnight stay in Miami.
  • 24th April – Miami, board the Regatta, sail at 6pm.
  • 26th April – Cruising the Straits of Florida
  • 27th April – Cruising the Caribbean Sea
  • 28th April – Cartagena Columbia. Arrive 7am, depart 1pm.
  • 29th April – Transit the Panama Canal
  • 30th April – Cruising the Pacifica Ocean
  • 1st May – Puntarenas, Cost Rica. Arrive 8am, depart 6pm.
  • 2nd May – San Juan Del Sur, Nicaragua. Arrive 7am, depart 5pm.
  • 3rd May – Puerto Quetzal, Guatemala. Arrive 1pm, depart 8pm.
  • 4th May – Cruising the Pacific Ocean
  • 5th May – Acapulco (changed to Zihuatanejo)  Arrive 8am, depart 5pm.
  • 6th May – Cruising the Pacific Ocean
  • 7th May – Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. Arrive 8am, depart 2pm
  • 8th May – Cruising the Pacific Ocean
  • 9th May – Cruising the Pacific Ocean
  • 10th May – San Francisco. Arrive 8am.
  • 11th May – San Francisco
  • 12th May San Francisco. Depart 5.40pm.
Date From To Nautical Miles
24-Apr-16 Miami, USA Key West, USA 154
25-Apr-16 Key West, USA Cartegena, Columbia 1136
28-Apr-16 Cartagena, Columbia Transit Panama Canal 273
29-Apr-16 Transit Panama Canal Puntarenas, Costa Rica 490
01-May-06 Ountarenas, Costa Rica Peurto Quetzal, Guatemala 521
03-May-16 Peurto Quetzal, Guatemala Zihuatanejo, Mexico 685
05-May-16 Zihuatanejo, Mexico Cabo San Lucas, Mexico 580
07-May-16 Cabo San Lucas, Mexico San Francisco, USA 1161
TOTAL MILES 5000

Photos

[FAG id=175206528]

 

How the EU Works

With apologies to the original author, but I don’t know the provenance of this piece. All I know is that it conforms to my understanding (and experience) of how the European Union works, it explains it in language we can all understand, and (irony and pathos aside) it’s very funny.

Subject: How the EU works

The deputy chairman of a local resident’s association offered to help us understand how the EU works and he wrote the note below using a Cheral Residents’ Association analogy to explain the processes.  The explanation of how the EC works is greatly simplified in order to render it understandable even to the few deluded Bremainians in the association..

Once upon a time, a man moved into a house.

He kept a few chickens. His next door neighbour made jam.

After a while, they got chatting over the fence & he gave her a box of eggs which she accepted. Out of  kindness, she gave him a jar of her homemade jam in return. This became a regular thing.  It was a trade between them & they got on fine for years without need for anything in writing.

But nearby they have a bossy neighbour called Mr Pluncker who wants to control everyone.  He runs the local resident’s association that has high membership fees.

He tells them both they will benefit if they join the resident’s association because it will enable them to meet more of their neighbours & network so they may be able to sell more eggs & jam to their neighbours.

So they join. It has seven other members at the time. This all worked OK. But, after a while, the resident’s association committee started giving them advice on how to run their own households.

Then some affordable housing was built nearby with poor and formerly homeless people moving in.  They are allowed to join the resident’s association, but instead of having to pay a membership fee, being poor,  they actually get paid to join.

After a few years, the membership expanded to 28 households. 

Half of them were poor households and benefitted from free membership.  Some of the poorer ones even received money from the association each year.

After a while, the resident’s association committee started getting bored & wanted more power to do something ‘exciting’ & ‘visionary’ & ‘bold’.  So they gave a few of the poor countries Wonga & QuickQuid type loans, on which the association got a hidden commission, as a nice little earner, from kindly Mr  Goldman and his partner Mr Sachs. They had a bank in the town and were good friends of  Mr Pluncker. You see, the resident’s association doesn’t actually have that much money, so it has to borrow the money to lend to the poor residents. 

The man with the chickens also had a large pond with lovely koi carp that breed & he used to sell the fish. But the association took a vote & decided he should let the other residents, especially the poor ones, come & take out 80% of his fish so they too could sell them.  Of course, he voted against this but got outvoted. But this was all perfectly fine because the decision followed the democratic process. 

The bossy neighbour Mr Pluncker who runs the association then started telling residents how they should run their households. He even made it a condition of their loans saying “If you don’t do as I say then the loans will stop & I’ll have your car off you”.

This rule secretly got extended to all residents. When they sign their annual subscription fee it’s written in the small print that ”No single member of the association will be permitted to make any decisions on how to run their own households without a vote being taken on it”

The idea was sold to the residents on the basis that they will all get to vote on whether they’re permitted to do this or that in their own house, so it’s all completely democratic. 

Furthermore, each member is told – ”New rules on how you are to run your household will be generated for you at monthly intervals & you must obey them. You will, of course, be given a chance to vote on the new rules as this is a democracy’’ 

The reality of this wonderful new democracy is that 84% of individual residents get out-voted by sheer force of numbers. Meaning that whatever was right & appropriate for one household and was probably not right & not appropriate for another but it gets approved anyway; no exceptions were allowed.  Every household had to do exactly the same as the other households thanks the democratic ‘community method’ and something that Mr Pluncker called “acquis communautaire” just to make things even more confusing for the residents and everyone else.

But no matter. Everything is voted on so it’s all perfectly democratic.

Residents are also told they must leave their front doors unlocked so other members can wander into their house & stay as long as they wish. The poor people and those who are “vulnerable” (which means most of them) especially love this.

Some residents wonder where their money is going.  But when they ask to see the association accounts they are always refused. And they begin to wonder how Mr Pluncker the chairman of the resident’s association ever got voted in by the committee. Turns out he was the only candidate in a secret ballot.

Half of the residents think this is perfectly OK. Frankly they’re a rather timid & pathetic lot and they believe Mr Pluncker and his friends who warn them that if they were to leave the association it would be A LEAP IN THE DARK.  They’d be ostracised by their neighbours & wouldn’t know what to do or how to run their households. 

In fact, after so many years of being told what to do, they’ve lost all confidence that they could ever run their households again. 

So they just go along with everything without complaining. 

Besides, the poor ones have little choice.  The association now holds their purse strings.

When any neighbours suggest they might all be better off leaving the association, they get called “racist anti-European xenophobes” meaning they must have a morbid fear & loathing of their neighbours in wanting to leave. 

The motto of the new democratic residents association is ‘Pay & Obey’.

And no, they didn’t all live happily ever after……..

And neither will we if end up voting to stay in this dysfunctional and undemocratic organisation!

 

Creating A Travel Guide With WikiPedia

An original version of  this post was published in January 2013, but I thought it was worth updating and re-posting, having just created a travel guide for our forthcoming cruise from Miami to San Francisco, via the Panama Canal.

A much-overlooked but useful feature of Wikipedia is the “Create A BooK” tool. This enables you to source useful reference information from Wikipedia’s pages into your own personalised book, that you can either download for a free as a PDF or in open document format.

Alternatively for a small charge, you can have it professionally typeset and bound. Why would you want to do this you may ask? Well, for me it was the desire to have my own personalised reference guide for the places I am visiting on my trip (cruise) from Miami, via the Panama Canal, Central America, and finishing in San Francisco.

For my guide I’ve sourced information about the places I’m visiting, the indigenous peoples, the animals and wildlife, the climate, the languages and much more. All neatly indexed and collated with photos, text and hyperlinks. If travel is not your thing, you could maybe create a book about your favourite music, composer or a specific professional interest. If you’d like to give it a go, read on.

How to Create A Book Using Wikipedia

Search, browse and navigate to the Wikipedia article of your choice. On the left hand side, near the bottom is the create a book menu. It includes two items – Add wiki page and Books help.

Wikipediabook1

Wikipediabook6

Start adding the pages to your book by clicking the Add wiki page link on the relevant Wikipedia pages you want to include. The number of pages in the book gets automatically updated in the menu on the left. Two additional menu items ““ Show book (with a page counter) and Suggest Pages appear in the menu. This latter option triggers Wikipedia’s automated search engine that looks for similar content to that which you’ve previously searched. I’ve found this to be quite useful once I’ve finished looking up all the places we are going to visit on this trip since it might trigger a few more ideas, e.g. languages and local dialects.

Wikipediabook5

You can also add an entire category within which the relevant page falls with just a single click. You can find the category hierarchy at the end of the article page.

Add The Title Of Your Book

Wikipediabook2

With all pages added, click the Show book button to review your book. Here it is possible to add a book title (and a subtitle) and change the ordering of the wiki pages of the book through drag and drop. Unwanted pages can be dumped by a simple click of the “dustbin” icon. New chapters can be included using the Create chapter link.

Many advanced functions like adding a particular revision or saving a book and improving the layout can be achieved through a combination of advanced functions. The Help page details those steps.

Download Or Order A Printed Copy

Wikipediabook3

Voila! You have just “written” your first book with the help of Wikipedia. Now, the finished book can be downloaded in PDF or OpenDocument format or ordered as a bound book. To download in the format of your choice, select the format from the dropdown and click theDownload button. To order the book as a bound book, click the Order book from PediaPressbutton.

Wikipedia’s built-in rendering engine assembles the pages, grabs the images and parses them before they are passed on to the user in the final downloadable format. In its final format my 14 Wikipedia pages transformed into a 65MB file downloaded as a 155 page PDF book. The end result was good, with neat alignments of photos and text. It is worth remembering that one Wikipedia page can scroll downwards into multiple physical printed pages, and hence why my 14 Wikipedia pages translated into 155 printed pages.

If you take the PediaPress option as I have done, you’ll pay for typesetting, layout and binding. Cost will depend on whether you want colour (I did) or black and white, and if you want a hard or paperback cover.  I was pleased with the end result (see photo) and will be using this as my everyday companion during this holiday.

Palms in paradise

Christmas & New Year Cruise 2015/6

 

Magellan

Aboard the Cruise & Maritime ship “Magellan“.

This was a first experience of being away for Christmas and the New Year. It was an amazing time, taking in the Christmas market at Antwerp, Christmas dinner at sea at the Captain’s table, and seeing the New Year in at Madeira where we were anchored in the harbour to watch the amazing fireworks. Definitely a Christmas and New Year to remember.

The only downside was the rough crossing of the bay of Biscay, where we experienced force 9 winds and waves of up to 12 metres on the journey back to the UK. Many passengers and some crew were quite ill. I guess my time in the Royal Navy stood me in good stead since I wasn’t affected, and neither were Linda (wife) or daughter (Rebecca) who has perhaps inherited the sea-faring blood!

Itinerary:

  • Tuesday 22/12/2015 – London Tilbury
  • Wednesday 23/12/2015 – Antwerp
  • Thursday 24/12/2015 – At Sea
  • Friday 25/12/2015 – Christmas at Sea
  • Saturday 26/12/2015 – Gibraltar
  • Sunday 27/12/2015 – At Sea
  • Monday 28/12/2015 – Arecife, Lanzarote
  • Tuesday 29/12/2015 – Santa Cruz, Tenerife
  • Wednesday 30/12/2015 – Las Palmas, Gran Canaria
  • Thursday 31/12/2015 Funchai, Madeira
  • Friday 01/01/2016 – At Sea
  • Saturday 02/01/2016 – Lisbon, Portugal
  • Sunday 03/01/2016 – At Sea
  • Monday 04/01/2016 – At Sea
  • Tuesday 05/01/2016 – Tilbury

Google Map

Photos

[FAG id=175206531]

More Photos at Flickr.com

Queen Mary 2 – a taste of luxury

Queen Mary 2

Cruise on the QM2, New York To London, 29th October 2015 to 6th November 2015

 

Lynda (wife) and I made a conscious decision early in our cruising career to opt for smaller ships, e.g. less than 1,500 passengers, because we preferred a more personal experience. I guess the foundation for this ‘cruising template’ was established from our very first cruise, on the Royal Clipper, which had a complement of 227 passengers and 106 crew. Almost a 2:1 ratio of passengers to crew. However, I’ve always wanted to sample the luxury of a Cunard “Queen” cruise, even those these were much bigger ships than we would normally seek out for our holidays. As it happened, Cunard were offering a great deal for their “Festival of Jazz” cruise, sailing from New York to Southhampton on 29th October 2015. There was also the bonus that one of Lynda’s favourite singers and songwriters, Gregory Porter, would be performing  during the cruise. So, decision made, we booked this Festival of Jazz cruise on the Queen Mary 2.

It may seem an odd thing to do, but we flew out to New York on the morning of 29th October, arriving JFK in the afternoon for a transfer to Brooklyn Harbour where the QM2 was berthed, setting sail at 6pm for a 6-day east-bound journey across the Atlantic back to the UK. If nothing else, it made an interesting contrast between the speed and convenience of air travel, with its 3-hour airport security check-in process, plastic meals and variable in-flight entertainment, vs. the relaxed atmosphere on the QM2, 5-star dining every day and a choice of three or four live shows every day. If you’re not in any particular hurry to get anywhere (and we weren’t), then this is surely the way to travel.New York At Night

The first thing that struck us about the QM2 – apart from its luxurious decor and massive open spaces, was that surely there can’t be 2,500 passengers on board. Maybe they didn’t get it fully booked. In actual fact, we learnt that the ship was indeed fully booked and there were no empty cabins. This feeling of space, the lack of queues and absence of crowds, is partly due to the size of the ship (until recently the longest ship in the world) but mainly due to the massive variety of places to eat, drink and relax. In our six days on board we never managed to visit every bar, or every restaurant.  Dining ranged from pub grub (in a facsimile of an English country pub) to pizza and fast-food restaurants, to 7-course fine dining. There was also a choice of several theatres for live shows and lectures. There was even a planetarium!

And so we had a leisurely and luxurious 6-day cruise across the Atlantic, on a liner actually designed and built for transatlantic crossing. Admittedly the weather was pretty good all the way across, but the fact that the liner cut through the waves rather than ride over them made for a very calm journey.  Unless you were actually looking out to sea you would hardly know you were moving, and even more remarkable, we were averaging 28.5 knots for the whole journey (most cruise ships will average about 15 knots – but then again, QM2 is a liner, not a cruise ship).

I won’t go into graphic detail about the daily schedule, the food, the entertainment, the formal evenings, the guest speakers, the Maquarade Ball , the casino, watching the glorious sunrises and sunsets, or the many other things that kept us occupied on our journey. I’ll just note the stand-out events:

  • Seeing New York City all lit up on the first evening as we set sail, with great views of Long Island, Staten Island, Brooklyn and Manhattan.
  • My first view of the magnificent One World Trade Center  (previously known as Freedom Tower), with its silver-mirror-like exterior and close-up views of  the fully illuminated Statue of Liberty.
  • The two lectures from guest speaker Dr Robert Thirsk, Canadian astronaut who spent 6 months on the International Space Station, speaking about the effects that space and lack of gravity have on the human body.
  • The two lectures by retired airline pilot Captain Howard Deck (learning how to fly).
  • The planetarium.
  • An evening of fine dining in the Todd English restaurant.
  • Relaxing on the promenade deck just watching the sea.
  • A very brief glimpse of a whale breaching around 2-3 miles off the starboard bow.
  • The evening jazz performance by Blue Note Jazz and Gregory Porter.
  • Lynda chatting to Gregory Porter and getting his autograph.
  • All of the live shows by the Royal Cunard Singers and Dancers.
  • Comedian Rondell Sheridon
  • Big Band night
  • The Galley Tour.
  • The classical concert by international pianist Marco Fatichenti.
  • The Halloween party and Masquarade Ball
  • All of the food
  • The Dixieland jazz band led by Bill Gibson

Overall it was a great way to spend 6 days at sea, in fact it was a shame it had to come to an end when we finally docked at Southampton on the 5th January. We’re still still a bit sceptical about going on large cruise ships, but we’d have no hesitation about going on the QM2 again, or for that matter, the Queen Victoria or Queen Elizabeth, which all have similar standards. So much to do, so little time to do it!

Photos

[FAG id=175206535]

More Photos on Flickr.

St Barts – Caribbean 2015

St Barts Harbour
St Barts Harbour

Our recent visit to the Caribbean took in the tiny island of St Barthélemy – more commonly known at St Barts. This is the smallest of the fours islands that make up the French West Indies. We arrived at the main town – Gustavia – by tender from our cruise ship early on Sunday morning, 8th February 2015.

The number of large and impressive yachts, some with on-board helicopters, which were in the small harbour, reinforced the travel brochure description of this small island as the “playground of the rich and famous”. The main street was lined with designer shops, with everything from Chanel to Versace. Fortunately for my wallet, they were all closed, much to the dismay of Lynda (my wife).

We continued to explore the deserted streets, small empty of people other than our fellow travellers, and noticed a small, whitewashed church overlooking the harbour. Opposite the Church was an English anchor identified as the type used by British warships from 1700 to 1825. Apparently this ten-ton anchor was unwittingly hauled into Gustavia’s waters by a tugboat.

Ten-ton anchor dredged from St Bart's harbour
Ten-ton anchor dredged from St Bart’s harbour

We realised as we got closer that the morning service was due to start. We weren’t exactly dressed for church, with usual tourist uniform of t-shirt and shorts, but as we prepared to walk by, a smartly dressed man who had just pulled up on his quad-bike invited us to join the service, assuring us that it would be in English, and that we would enjoy the music, provided by a trio of piano, guitar and violin.

So, despite some misgivings about our tourist attire, we entered the church and settled into one of the wooden pews. I guess that being conscious about how we were dressed make me more aware of the designer clothes and expensive perfumes that surrounded us. However, we received a few smile and nods from the regulars and gradually relaxed into the environment.

Sunday Family Service St Barts
Sunday Family Service St Barts

We learnt from the order of service that we were in the St. Bartholomew’s Anglican Episcopal Church. The interior was lined with heavy dark-wood pews leading to a white lace-covered alter. Father Charlie, attired in formal robes over his t-shirt and shorts, led the service.

Hand-sewn (cross-stitch) alter cloth - St Barts
Hand-sewn (cross-stitch) alter cloth – St Barts

It was a joyous “happy-clappy” service, with a mainly sung Eucharist led by the small ‘orchestra’ of piano, guitar and violin. The “peace” seemed to go on forever, though was probably around 10 minutes, with everyone moving around the church and chatting like long-lost friends, though I’m sure most were regular celebrants. Various colourful birds flying in and out of the shuttered windows and landing on the cast iron chandeliers, where they stayed a while to observe all that was below, enhanced the relaxed nature of the service. Overall it was a joyous and refreshing experience, and it was quite sad to think we wouldn’t be back for the next Sunday service….or indeed (dependent on time and money) …ever again? Still, it was something I’m sure we will always remember.

St Bart's Church
St Bart’s Anglican Church

More About St Bart’s (from the tourist brochure)

Sprinkled with red-roofed villas and surrounded by beautiful beaches, tiny Saint Barthélemy (St. Barts or Saint Barth) is the smallest (9 square miles) of the four islands of the French West Indies. Caribbean playground of the rich and famous, you discover fashionable boutiques and an international jet-set atmosphere combined with a sense of French chic. Gustavia is the main town and capital of the island of St. Barts and was named for King Gustav III of Sweden.

Overflowing warehouses once surrounded Gustavia’s harbour that was packed with ships from many nations and a mercantile and architectural tradition was established that is still evident today. Streets that were once busy with merchants and adventurers are now lined with restaurants, boutiques and gift shops and the harbour is now full of impressive yachts. Without doubt this is one of the most chic spots in the Caribbean, however probably also the most expensive! Most of the island’s restaurants are in Gustavia, and French cuisine, particularly seafood, is on a par with some of the world’s best. The climate is tropical with only small variations in temperature and short passages of rain clouds with brief showers of 10 to 15 minutes most days.

Thanks to laws forbidding large resort development, St. Barts remains quaint and unspoilt. The tallest buildings are shorter than the highest Palm trees.

History

St. Barts was discovered in 1493 by Christopher Columbus who named it for his brother Bartolomeo. It was settled by the French in 1648 and later sold to Sweden in exchange for trading rights in Gothenburg, who names the main town after King Gustav III.

During the colonial wars of the 18th century, the island prospered as a trade and supply centre for the various warring factions. After a century of Swedish rule, France repurchased the island in 1878 placing it under the administration of Gaudeloupe and it is now an overseas collectivist of France. Most of the Island’s 8,450 inhabitants are descended in   roads in the town – Rue du C Brittany and Normandy. Since the island is river less and rocky and therefore unsuitable for sugar cultivation, black slaves were ever introduced. An old-fashioned style of French is spoken, with sprinklings of English and Swedish.

St Bart's Anglican Church
St Bart’s Anglican Church

The St. Bartholomew’s Anglican Episcopal Church is an important religious building in the town. Built in 1855 with stones brought from St. Eustatius, the Church is located on one of the most elegant roads in the town – Rue du Centenaire. The Church’s interior is lined with heavy dark-wood pews leading to a white lace-covered alter. Opposite the Church is an English anchor identified as the type used by British warships from 1700 to 1825. This ten-ton anchor was unwittingly hauled into Gustavia’s waters by a tugboat.

More photo’s from St Barts

Welcome to St Barts
Welcome to St Barts
Our cruise ship - the "Azores"
Our cruise ship – the “Azores”
One of the yachts in St Barts.
One of the yachts in St Barts harbour
Beautiful yacht - St Bart's
Beautiful yacht – St Bart’s
St Barts keyside
St Barts keyside
St Barts Anglican Church
St Barts Anglican Church

More Photos from our Caribbean Cruise

Even more more photo’s on Flickr